Hi! I’m Sarah. I’m British and have been living in Malta for about a year. I’m an alcoholic and sometimes use crack and smack. To maintain my expensive habits I lie down with men… for money of course!
Life has never been easy for me. My eldest son – whom I gave up for adoption at birth – must be about 18 years old now. I have a 12-year-old daughter who was brought up by my grandmother… but she doesn’t want to see or talk to me. My mother passed away in last summer. Although she would ask to see me and talk, I wouldn’t – she was poison in my life. My father was in prison at the time of her death. Once he got out, he sought me to procure drugs for him. I was in Malta at the time. After a while, he committed suicide. So, I lost both my parents in a few months. But their passing away caused only a fleeting moment of sadness, to be drowned soon after with alcohol – my one and only faithful friend.
I tried to go to a rehabilitation programme because life was becoming unbearable. People were nice to me. I was given all my needs, clothes, toiletries, cigarettes, food… everything. I was loved and supported. Everything was going well until psychotherapy started. I couldn’t face it. Why should they dig inside me? Why should I try to heal my past? Why try to become a better person? There is nobody in the world who really cares for me – not even my daughter! Yes, there are people who care for me, but for them I am just another client, another patient. Do it for myself? I’m not worth it! All I wanted to do was drink alcohol.
And that’s what I did. I was warned that there was COVID out there, but I didn’t care. I just packed and left!
I went to a homeless shelter with my luggage, but there was nobody there to answer my call. I left my luggage there and started drinking. Night came but I was used to being homeless. I met men, they paid, and I used the money on alcohol and drugs. After a few days it started to rain, I felt cold and was hungry. I went to another shelter. It was closed. I went to yet another and there they gave me a prepacked meal only as they were closed too. They told me to go to Detox to get treatment for my alcohol problem. I was only offered Mount Carmel Hospital. That was the only place available for people with alcohol problems. But then, this seven-star hotel was not that easy to get to. I only managed to be admitted after my third attempt! I was sent away twice because I wasn’t suicidal enough! Before being allowed in I had to wait in the rain and cold for some hours until they had my COVID result. Once I was cleared, I was allowed in. As soon as I stepped foot inside I immediately started doubting my decision to get myself admitted. Nothing was welcoming, nothing was worth being there for…nothing except the fact that, being homeless, there was nowhere else to go.
